JUNK RUNTAH

Are we all here Good Now lets begin

Well, youll be pleased to know I managed to squeeze in another rainy ride this morning, and heres yet another entry for my new coffee table book, "Scenic Pee Spots of the Lower Hudson Valley:"


Its a work in progress.

By the way, can you spot all the holiday gift ideas in the above photo?

--EH Works tool roll: ?
--Brooks Cambium: ?
--Milwaukee metal-tubed bicycle frame: ?

(Yeah, sure, buy yourself a new bike frame, you deserve it.)

And dont forget that as I took that picture I was wearing a Walz cap and was jacked up on Bike Snob coffee, hence the pee break.

Yes, your life could also be this glamorous!  Just imagine urinating publicly in Yonkers whilst bedecked in the finest artisanal cycling accoutrements.  All you need to do is head on over to the BSNYC Margin Mall and exercise your shopping finger.

Then again, I suppose all those items are all fairly traditional, so if youre in the market for something a bit more cutting-edge you might want to head over to Kickstarter instead.  For example, nows the time to get in on the ground floor with Kwiggle® the worlds most compact folding bike:



Though before you do, you should know that the Kwiggle®Meister is a supervillain who is going to take over the world:

Youve been warned.

Anyway, Im not sure whether or not this is indeed the worlds most compact folding bike as it purports to be, but I do know that "Riding the Kwiggle®" is officially the most sexually suggestive non-sexual phrase of 2016--which makes this phrase positively salacious:

"People who try Kwiggle® always say they like the relaxing ride."

I bet they do.

But what makes the Kwiggle® truly special is that you stand bolt upright while riding it:


Yes, youve got to be fully erect to ride the Kwiggle® or else it wont work.

Anyway, lest you think the Kwiggle® is only for those who live in an urban environment, this Kwiggle® Fred proves that its equally at home in town:


Plus, you can even hit Kwiggle® Fred "Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!" speed on it, which is somewhere around 30kph:


So if youve ever longed to marry the convenience of a Brompton with the pushing-a-shopping-cart riding position of a Segway then the Kwiggle® may be the bike-like contraption for you.

Of course, as more and more cities adopt bike share there could be less and less need for gadgets like the Kwiggle®, though some of these towns could really stand to work harder on their marketing campaigns:



Seriously, it seems like Los Angeles should have way cooler bike share videos.  Youve got to figure there are at least five or ten aspiring filmmakers at any given coffee shop who would have been willing to take a swing at this for free.  (Not to mention some aspiring actors who actually know how to balance a bicycle.)  And what the hell is up with their crazy train PSAs?!?



Okay, so the cop or security agent or whatever he is frightens this kid off with a series of aggressive hand gestures that could easily be construed as assault:


The kid then hits some debris on the platform because the agency has been criminally negligent:


And finally he goes flying into a train and gets his leg cut off:


He may be off the board for awhile but hes going to win millions from that lawsuit.

But hey, what do I know?  Im used to our anti-preening PSAs:


Thanks to these, now whenever my kid sees someone on the train applying lipstick he says to me in a stage whisper, "SHE SHOULDNT BE DOING THAT!"

"Yeah?  And I shouldnt be doing this, either," I reply as I crack open a can of beer cunningly concealed in a paper bag.

By the way, the person on the left appears to be doing some manscaping:


Hey, weve all been there.

Lastly, youll be dismayed to learn that the fixie-bro film genre refuses to die, as evidenced in this promotional video for the holiday season from Chrome, the Affliction Clothing of messenger bag companies:


The Holidays are a time for reflection. To come together with those who mean most and look back on the all the good times we’ve shared. This year we brought together members of our Familia, decked them out in our Night Series gear and set them loose on the streets of NYC.

They did indeed.  My favorite is when this doofus speeds into an intersection:


Cuts this pedestrian the fuck off in the crosswalk:


And then does his very best to hit a taxi cab:


Brilliant.

Take that, society!

But you know, the ugly-ass Chrome shoes do have tiny reflective details (the "reflection" in the video description, how clever) so its all okay:


Yes, minimal visibility is what you need when youre doing that salmon-to-whip-skid in the bike lane:


You also work up quite an appetite, which is why after inconveniencing pedestrians while modeling clothes these bros are totally gonna destroy some night-brunch:


Thank you, San Francisco, for always exporting the very finest aspects of your culture to our city.

Available link for download

as good as sliced bread Trigger Point Massage Ball

One of my many mini ailments over the years has been tight muscles. Yes, Yes i know that Yoga and stretching are things that I need to do, but never seem to be able to get around to it.

My hot zones include my IT band, especially where my bulging quad muscle transitions to the it band, my hamstrings, lower back, psoaz,
soleus by the calf


back of the shoulder


piroformis


Without my usual rub down and physiotherapist on staff Ive resorted to a whole cadre of tools to help. These include some of my most prized possesions and all fall into the Hurts so good catagory. Such as The Stick



Ive got the blue one. I love this thing. the key to it is to get deep into the muscles when they are in an unflexed state. It takes a little experimenting to find the right positons to hit things like the hamstrings totally unflexed and to find the piriformis.



The key to it is these rollers that surround a slightly flexible core so you can really bend it and lay it into your muscles. The transition between my quad and IT band is like a square edge so that when I roll the stick over it it will stop until I give it more oomph.

Love it on my quads, hams, and piriformis.

One of my favorite aids is the Theracane.


I can really get to the sweet spots of my upper back with this. I often combine it with this ointment called Bio Freeze. After using both I can definitely feel some relief on my external rotators.

But while using the theracane feels sooooo so good, I havent found it to truly release my muscles like you hear about. The theory is that stimulating these trigger points of knots helps the muscle release and regain its flexibility.

For the IT band I got one of these foam rollers


This was outside of the hurts so good realm to, omgood help me. It took a few weeks before I could put unsupported weight onto my quad/IT band. Again, with some funky positions I can really get to my piriformis.

Ive been working out my external rotators on a regular basis which has helped significantly with being able to keep my elbows out in downhilling. But they get really tender and soar and knotty. The best thing Ive found so far for relief has been the elbows of my kids. Once they find the right spot I just have them lay into it with their full weight. But it takes about 5 minutes of wait, wait, just a little higher, no to the left, ahhh not there that is my bone, higher, higher...wait wait right there......

Then the get tired, and cya.

Id been thinking about this product called the Trigger Point Massage ball for a while.


Ive tried tennis balls, and the even the corners of walls to get deep into the muscle. The idea behind this is that the ball simulates the same combination of give firmness seen in a thumb. Where you have a flexible outer and then a firm core. This allows you to get deep into the belly of the muscle to really work it out.

When I first got it I was squeezing it and didnt really see how it did what they say. But when I followed the instructions...Well lets just say Im a firm believer in it. The instructions say to either use it against a wall or the floor or to press it in using your hand, to wait 5 seconds then take a deep breath and then roll it around a around the trigger point.

The instructional DVD calls this a hurts so good technology. When I first used it, I put it on the floor and laid down on at my rear shoulder. Well, I didnt need to take a deep breath, because I pretty much was gasping like Id been hit in the solar plexus or had jumped into a freezing lake. It just took my breath away. And rolling it around the trigger point, again. Heavan and hell in one.

But something was different than like when Id used the theracane. For the first time in memory I could turn my head to the side farther than I ever could. I mean it really did seem to release the muscle. Ive used it on my lower back, shoulder, hamstring, soleus, chest, IT quad.

oh man, I went riding over the weekend and didnt bring it. My seat had moved back on the rails over the past few months, and I moved it back to the right spot. This change was very noticeable to my piriformis. And Id left my ball at home.

Im telling you, for real, the first thing I did when I got home was get this thing and sit on it

What Im realizing is that I need to use it almost every day. My muslces just want to revert back to that tight, knotted position. Ive had a little bit of rolfing done years ago. One of the theories behind it is that the fascia that is on top of the muscle hardens up over time and maintains poor position. Id like to go through the whole rolfing procedure sometimes cause I think it did work. This TP ball might be the closest thing.

I want to get this masochistic device made of the same material to replace the foam roller. Ive heard that this thing hurts so good/bad that it makes the foam roller seem like a walk in the park.

Anyway, I love this thing

Available link for download

Aprils No Good Very Bad Week

This has been the week from H E Double Hockey Sticks! Some of it my own fault, much of it the fault of the local electric company.

I have not been able to knit a single stich on Trellis sinse last Sunday. I NEED to finish this sweater by Monday so that I can start another - I need to make 3 by Christmas.

I also want to knit a couple Branching Out scarves for Christmas - and something extra for my boss.

I have a birthday party for two this weekend.

I want to take a good, long nap.

Available link for download